Shit! Think! Shit! Think! Shit! Quick put me in the closet!
"Trapped in the Closet", R. Kelly's sprawling, Puccinian ode to enclosed spaces, shall sprawl anew August 21, when ten additional chapters are tacked on to the end of the series' dozen on a Jive-issued DVD. According to Billboard.com, the transformation of "Trapped" from smartly-paced adultery whodunit to neck-snapping pixelated freakshow will be complete once these chapters are in the can:
The new round of "Trapped" videos finds Kelly portraying an old man named Randolph, complete with a pot belly and a fake white beard that nearly falls off mid-scene, as well as a preacher in a gray Jheri-curl wig and garish orange suit. In one of the final chapters, Kelly's Sylvester character talks business with a "Sopranos"-esque mobster who is eating a giant plate of spaghetti.
In other words, everything "Trapped" did in the past, he's about to double up on it. Still, what's to become of Rosie the Nosy Neighbor? Will we ever learn the fate of the hefty Bridget, her husband OmarJames, star-crossed lovers Chuck and Rufus? Will Kells ever reveal just why he has a fiery silhouette of himself hanging in his bedroom? There's no Soap Opera Digest for this stuff, people, and I demand answers.
IFC will air the original twelve chapters in anticipation of the release of the 13-22 DVD, and stream the whole blasted epic on their website. Man, is that water droplet noise ever gonna get annoying around #15.
In other Kells news, Double Up recently went platinum. To celebrate, Kells indulged in dessert.